Posts by Zach Johnson

Runaway A Road Adventure

We circled for some time without doing much damage on either side; the long, straight, needle-like swords flashing in the sunlight, and ringing out upon the stillness as they crashed together with each effective parry.

I was only partially successful, as a sharp pain in my left shoulder attested, but in the sweep of my glance as I sought to again locate my adversary, a sight met my astonished gaze which paid me well for the wound the temporary blindness had caused me.

Continue reading

All In Our Head

It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? I wish! It’s a nickel. Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very…

Continue reading

Scrap Surf

You don’t know how to do any of those. It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Okay, I like a challenge. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

Alice On The Roof

I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. You don’t know how to do any of those. But existing is basically all I do! No, she’ll probably make me do it. Meh.

Well It’s The Time

I wish! It’s a nickel. I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by “devil”, I mean Robot Devil. And by “metaphorically”, I mean get your coat. Also Zoidberg.